• Something to explore in times of hardship.

A lot of people misunderstand when I tell them what I do. I sometimes even have people try to call me in the middle of the night or men calling wanting me to listen to them masturbate. And it’s okay, I don’t judge, but I don’t listen either. Sex is quite confusing to most people.

Let me enlighten you, just so that we are on the same page. There is a considerable difference between Soul based sex and ego basted sex. For the ones who don’t know the difference between Soul and ego, here is a quick difference. The ego is the part of you that is profoundly tied to the body and seeks gratification through the body. In sex, it generally aims to rub genitals (together) to have a shorted lived experience of ecstasy referred to as orgasm. This orgasm lasts for about 30 seconds and gives a shortlived satisfaction in the body. It scratches ich and makes the physical body relax.

Overly focusing on reaching the 30-second orgasm often produces stress in the body, and the goal-orientated sex can create performance anxiety in both men and women. This then again can lead to an inability to relax and enjoy sex, lack of lust, erectile dysfunction, and a series of vaginal conditions such as veganism, lack of lubrication, pain, and discomfort with penetration and so on. It also makes people bored with sex in longterm relationships because it generates repetitive patterns in performance-based sexuality designed to reach the goal of orgasm as quickly or effortlessly as possible.

Ego based sex is not necessarily based on getting as much pleasure as possible for you. It does not mean that you don’t want to give your partner any pleasure; ego-based lovers often praise themselves of the number of orgasms they give their partner or how good they are at specific techniques that make him or her come. Something that is often appreciated at the beginning of a relationship when emotions and attractions run high. Sadly, this usually fades over time if the lovers don’t mature into deeper lovemaking and start to explore the realms of Soul based sex.

The Soul is the larger part of you. The part that is not bound to the physical body and that lives before you come into this body. It continues living as long as you are in this body and when you leave this body at some point. It is the eternal part of you. Soul sex holds a totally different idea than ego sex and does not even have to include the physical body, but it can, and it is nice when it does. Soul sex does not hold a goal as such, or you could say that the ultimate goal is the expression of love. Soul sex can not be experienced without the involvement of the heart, and the mind, and produces orgasmic experiences that can last for minutes and even hours, including raptures in the physical and energetical body.

To understand and experience this, you have to realize that you are more than just a body. If you totally relate to your self as a physical body and your sexuality to the rubbing of genitals, then Soul sex is not for you. You will have your pleasure in the physical body, and you are, of course, free to enjoy that as it is everybody’s right to seek sexual pleasure where you may, as long as it includes consenting adults only.

I, however, will advocate for the Soul sex because I just love the connection that it creates. Not only between the physical bodies that may be participating but to the nature of reality and who we truly are. We, mostly, experience ourselves as bodies in a world of material things and other bodies. We judge our environment from our heads, and we seek to understand our reality with the mind and by remembering our prior experience. Still, ever so often, we are lucky enough to encounter a Soul experience. You know that moment when it seems like the world is standing still, and you feel like everything is perfect. When you fell in love or first held your newborn baby, or when you do some activity that takes you into your flow zone.

Most people have had those experiences, but very few know how to produce them on a regular bases, and especially when it comes to such a demanding thing as sexuality. Actually, it is not difficult, but it takes practice and commitment because the ego is not willing to give up its short-lived pleasure for the promise of the Souls’ ecstatic expansion. The ego likes the short-lived, fast-tracked pleasure and does not have time for the Souls lengthy euphoric eruptions. In short, we want the ends, but we are not willing to study the means, and we are often not sure if we believe in it.

Well, I will tell you, my friend, it does exist, and the practice is well worth the effort. When you have experienced sex with Soul, you don’t ever really want to go back, and everything else feels like meaningless groping and grumping. Don’t misunderstand, I enjoy a heartfelt connection and regular sex at the beginning of a new relationship before deeper intimacy is built. Still, I love the Soul connection and the Soul sex. Where ego sex tends to make people get bored of each other, Soul sex forms a bond between lovers that keeps getting deeper as time passes and is therefore perfect for people who want long term relationships and are committed to love.

Soul Sex does not care about gender, age, background, or status. It is free, and it is always available. It may include one or more people, and as I said earlier, it may not involve genitals, but it always includes immense pleasure and satisfaction, and love! Even by your self, you can experience rapture through the body when you know how to relax open and become one with the universe.

Let me give you a quick introduction to how it works. First of all, you have to learn how to bypass your skeptical mind and allow your self to receive pleasure. This may take some work if you are strongly conditioned or you are overly attached to the body as the only means of experiencing reality. You may need some energy work, coaching, or tantric massage imprints to get you going on this new path of experiences. Even so, it is a plus if you know how to meditate, do conscious breathwork, yoga, or other meditative sports. Anything that gets you out of your head and connects you to your heart, and your body is good.

Second, breath is essential. You can’t feel anything if you hold your breath, and you are basically not present in your body. You want to be present in the moment with your lover and your own body, and you want to be deeply relaxed. Energy follows the breath, and breath leads to awareness, without breathing, energy, and awareness, no Soul sex.

If you are one who carries a lot of shame around sexuality or believes that feeling pleasure is a sin, you may also be blocked from the deeper experiences of bliss. You basically need to lighten up and allow your self to go with the flow. Tensing the body and holding back sounds and movements is a sure way to stagnate the flow, and it often leads to premature ejaculation or loss of erection in men and an inability to orgasm or lack of feeling sensation in women. Breath and sounds are natural expressions, and your ecstasy should both show and be heard.

In the beginning, when opening up to deeper feeling sensations in your body, you may feel very horny in a conventional way and find that you want to conventionally orgasm a lot or want to play out sexual fantasies and have sex with multiple people. This is natural because when you open your sexual consciousness, there is a time of purging your sexual expression. You can conventionally do this with actually having sex with multiple people, or you can play it out energetically.  You can even release the need to play out sexual fantasies with allowing it all to come up in healing sessions, where it is totally safe to express your needs without demanding anyone else to accommodate your sexuality. In this way, you learn how to contain your sexual energy and not be needy on others to satisfy you sexually. This is an excellent way of healing and maturing sexually.

As you continue down the path of healing sexually, you become more and more sexually intelligent. You become less attracted to other people, and you become really aware of other people’s sexual energy. You don’t stop enjoying sex, on the contrary, you enjoy it much more, but you become pickier, and you choose what experiences you are really attracted to. You find your natural boundaries, and you reawaken your sexual innocence that makes lovemaking that much more interesting.

You learn how to meet your intimate partner anew in every meeting, which makes sex much more interesting in longterm relationships and opens up new realms of play and exploration. You totally stop planning your sexual experiences (other than time management) or rely on techniques to get you to the point of orgasm. You become a superior lover that makes love from your Soul, and the spiritual component of connecting sexually becomes more important than the bodily experience. Over time you transfer your sexuality form the egos need for attention and appraisal to the Souls expression of love.

This is true maturity in sexuality. It heals emotional wounds, and it brings you back to the understanding of love over and over again. As I said, you can experience this on your own by opening the connection to your Soul and making love with the universe, or you can connect to other bodies and share this experience. In real, Soul-bound lovers, this makes a bond that is truly beautiful and lasts far beyond the boundaries of the human body.

And, for the ones of you who wonder; No, soul sex does not have to be all Vanilla. There are plenty of people who experiment with other sexual expressions through energy-based sex than the traditional one on one. This day’s you can find workshops that combine things such as bondage and BDSM with traditional tantra, and they are increasingly popular.

As a bonus in pandemic times, when you really know how to connect and flow with the energy of another person, you can even have sex long-distance without any artificial tools, just by connecting soul to soul and letting that natural life-force energy flow! Learn how to play with it, and you will be amazed at how much joy this natural and innocent way of connection can bring you.

I wish this experience of love for all because I believe that the most significant thing we can do in this life is to express our love. None of us are beyond a touch of the ego, and sometimes we fall into its narrow claws, but the question is not if we stumble it is how fast do you recover to love. Making love with the Soul can help you recover that much faster and take your intimate relationship to heights you never thought possible.

There is no right way of making love or having sex; there is just your preferred way. The last thing I want with this article is to make you insecure about the things that you do and enjoy. All I want is to open your eyes to new possibilities that can make your life, your sexual expression, and your intimate relationship even more loving and enjoyable. After all, you are in this body now, why not bring it the as much love and joy as possible?

Sencarly with Soul,

Ingunn Tennbakk

Ps! Want to learn more? I do online coaching for both singles and couples. Or check out David Deidas classic book The Enlightened Sex Manual