You know, all people are beautiful people, and the beautiful people that know they are beautiful but don’t pay much attention to “outer beauty,” which is a myth anyway, are confident people. Confident people know that in the end “outer beauty” does not mean a f*ing thing. At most, it is a deception attempting to cover up the insecurity on the inside. True beauty is a reflection of the beauty on the inside translated perfectly into a beauty that shines on the outside. A translucent light that shines through the beautiful being that you are.
You see, it’s not about looks, or age, or skin color, disability, or ability. It is about the light!
You can have plastic surgery, injections, and whatnot, and still, feel and look like the most miserable person on this earth, or you can have all the surgery, full face, and body transformation and feel and look like the most beautiful person in the world. It is not about the surgery or any outer changes you do; it’s about how you feel – that is what brings the light.
I used to see my self as no so pretty. Too short, too fat, too old and generally not a very beautiful person. And, I truly believed that there was a different world for the pretty ones, that they caught all the breaks and got all the happiness because THEY were born with good looks.
But hey, every baby is beautiful. People that say they have seen an ugly baby has got to be either lying or have a really f*ed up vision that is not able to see a quarter of an inch past skin deep. Every baby shines the light as often and as naturally as it is for them. The light of beauty is a natural thing, our natural state. It is our thoughts and emotions that f*’s it up.
As I said, I used to think that I’m not beautiful and beautiful people catch all the breaks. I kept this thought until it became so painful that I could not stand it anymore. I was fed up with myself and my stinking thinking, and I realized that there was absolutely nothing I could do to change the process of my aging body, that was just a factor of life – just like my short legs, my chubby thighs, my button nose, and my somewhat sagging chin.
I’ve spent hours in the gym, on diets, and on pushing myself overboard on every area of my life that I thought could correct my “birth deficiencies,” next to surgery. I gave up before I got to the knife, mostly because my low self-image told me that it would probably not work for me anyway, and I would end up looking like I’d been through a disaster somehow.
Today I’m happy I never went there. Not because there is anything “morally” wrong with having plastic surgery, hey, I’m still young, and I plan to stick around this place for a long time, so I still may let someone put in a few nips and tuck’s to keep me happy in my skin.
But, from feeling like I was not beautiful and that I needed to change my appearance to feel better, I would not have succeeded because it was no way to save myself from that delusion by changing on the outside; I had to go inside, into my heart. Deep into my own self-talk and be honest about the way I was daily abusing myself.
In the beginning, the fog of self-loathing was so dense. I constantly compared myself to others finding them better, smarter and prettier. And, on top of that, as a way to protect myself, I had developed a habit of judging them and putting myself “morally” or “intellectually” above. In this way, I did not have to feel the pain of my jealousy and insecurity. I could just place the flaw in THEM and then “forget” about it. All the way, I was feeling inferior, and the thoughts and energy of judgment and jealousy were shining out from me, making me look and feel old, bitter, and absolutely not beautiful.
To compensate for the feeling of inadequacy on the inside I tried to make my outside, my facade, look better then it was. I hid from the world and isolated myself to get away from the pain. But, in this isolation something beautiful and unexpected happened. I had been told that I needed the company of others to see my self, their mirror reflection, and feedback, but fo me, the opposite was right. I craved the silence and isolation. I desired for my own inner voice to come through and show me what was really going on inside my mind. Only then could I begin to understand why things were the way the where and what to do about it!
When things calmed down on the outside, and my life slowed down, I was scared at first. I thought this is it! Now I’m all alone with my demon thoughts, and I’m not sure I will survive this. Yes, I did have thoughts of checking out in my darkest hours, but I had things in my life that kept me going. That kept me praying and hoping, and in the praying and hoping, the beams of light started to shine through. They came in forms of different spiritual teachers and teachings, of experiences of deeply transcended states of meditation, spiritual initiations, and kinds of weird things all going on in the privacy of my own home and my isolation.
Words started pouring through me, down on paper and out load in long monologues of wisdom. At first, I was all by myself, but little by little, people started coming and wanting to listen. In the beginning, it was old friends that had been on the journey with me for quite a while. My writing buddy, best spiritual friend, and sister in shine, Nadja Ericksen, appeared with her endless line of questions for the steam of wisdom that was pouring through me, and this became the book project “Awaken your Big SHE” (still in the making).
In all of this, I more or less forgot about myself and my outer beauty, my age, my hight and my general discomfort about my appearance. Sure, there were, and still are, moments of the old emotional pain, but it does not bother me so much anymore. I don’t believe my old deluded thoughts anymore.
As my crowd of students grew, I started emphasizing more and more on self-love in the teachings that I was sharing. I started a master class on the subject, and together with a small, dedicated group of women, I started teaching this important subject on a weekly basis.
As this unfolded, I could see more and more of my own journey. From realizing my negative self-talk, I totally “gave up” on myself. I surrendered and asked for help because I knew I could not bear the thought of living with myself for the rest of my life.
During my unfolding, I have done so many things to turn my thoughts and beliefs about myself around, and they have all been good and valid. But there is one thing that peaks all other an that is surrendering to truth.
I am beautiful inside and out. Beautiful as the day I was born, and so are you. Surrender to your inner light, your goodness, and beauty, and the world will shine that beauty right back at you.
It’s true, beautiful people catch all the breaks and YOU are one of them.
PS! Wanna work with me? I offer coaching, bodywork sessions and, masterclasses. Check my website, www.ingunntennbakk.com or write to me on firstname.lastname@example.org. I offer sessions and classes both in Norwegian and English.
Photo by Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash